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I occasionally get into fairly extreme levels of anemia. This does not make for a super interesting topic and is not the subject of this story, but rather, the background.
Last night, I was really low. So low that I felt that I needed to be next to another human being in order to not let go and pass out. My oldest son was home and even though I know that his 17-yr old-ness does not predispose him for wanting a lot of physical proximity to his mom (that would be me), I walked into his bedroom, more on automatic pilot than on reason.
He was in his typical position: on his bed, focused on his laptop’s screen and feet dangling off the edge. He saw me walk in, looked up and said “Hey” before returning to his computer.
I kept walking and seeing an empty spot on the bed, lowered myself onto it. He looked up again. I grabbed a piece of blanket and covered myself. Feeling so cozy, I closed my eyes.
A little floaty, I was aware of the late sun shining into the room, of the feeling of the firm mattress under me and of my kid’s presence by my side. It all felt good, safe, and I let myself sink into the moment fully.
After a while, I could feel him turning frequently to look at me. At one point, I opened my eyes and caught his glance. He looked confused and said: ”Um. What are you doing?” Not having a whole lot of energy, I replied “Just resting. Being with you.”
A little time passed and finally, he turned to me and said: “Mom, this is weird. You cant just hang out here.” It took a while for his words to make their way to my foggy brain and when they did, the idea of having to get up felt like a huge project. A project onto which I couldn’t see adding a conversation, an explanation, a request nor an argument. So I got up.
And as I started to walk out, I heard him say awkwardly: “I mean… you know, I just dont like having people in my room.”
And that’s when my little inner smile lit up. That’s when I knew that iron levels or not, I was going to be just fine. Because, even though I didn’t have it in me to do a whole lot of talking, I still was able to crack myself up by replying “well, you know, I wasn’t so crazy about having people in my womb either.”
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